St tropez self tan luxe dry oil review

I DO NOT LIKE IT. 

I am not new to fake tanning.

I am not actually a fan of fake tanning. 

The creams always streak. 

The mousses always streak. 

At last I found an oil. 

I'm all about that oil when it comes to beauty products. Oil in my hair. Oil in my beard. Oil on my skin. Oil on my face. Oil on my feet. Oil on my. Okay you get the point. 

It's quite easy nowadays to find an oil that doesn't get sticky. One that absorbs nicely and one that doesn't smell like oil. 

I jumped straight in. I lathered my body in this oily tan. 

I'm expecting sumptuous smooth moisturised gradual tanning skin to ensue. 

I shake the bottle as suggested. The oil looks like magical unicorn blood. It's full of glitter.....(I love that) - I guess it's meant to work as a guide. So you can see the places you've tanned. 

As I'm lathering my body I basically turn into a glittery unicorn of a human. 

I don't mind this if I was to stay indoors for suggested 4-8 hours. 

That's fine I don't mind I'll do the tan ritual in early afternoon and shower before bed. (Hate sleeping in tan) 

I carry on transforming myself into a brown unicorn. It smells like metal. Like smelly door handles. (I don't like that). 

I get every crease and wrinkle of skin covered. 

I wait. I become increasingly smelly and sticky. My skin is uncomfortable. It's like I've bathed in cooking oil. 

By the way I didn't even use a tonne of oil. It spreads quite far.

I continue to get on with my afternoon/evening. 

The colour change is gradual but effective. That I like. 

I'm just so uncomfortable. I'm sticky I'm smelly. My skin cannot breathe. And I am soooooo glittery. 

I kind of love the glitter. But it is very impractical. 

I wash it all off. Floods of brown water down the plug hole.

I emerge from that steamy shower a lovely tanned version of my former self. No streaks. No overly tanned skin! 

The colour is great. The no streaks is great.  The uncomfortable sticky smelly glittery 4-8 hours wasn't so great. 

I do continue to use this product because the tan is great. It's effective. 

I just don't have 4-8 hours to spare a lot of the time. I can't sit around every week for 4-8 hours being a sticky glittery mess. 

If those points changed this would be AMAZING. 

What self tan do you use? I'd love to know. I like hassle free tanning that doesn't go orange or streaky and the smell eurgggghhhh the smell!!!